you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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