i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
