i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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