GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
