i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
