It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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