One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
