some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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