Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
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I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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