and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
