I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
ttyl tear gas
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
