Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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