She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
