You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
