I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
