Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
