What a fucking waste of an outfit
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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