don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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