the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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