Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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