I need to stop coming to work sober
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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