would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
