So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
