You're so nebulous sometimes
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
