someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
