Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
