I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
