it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
pop tarts are not kleenex
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
