I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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