Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
