and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
false alarm. still invincible.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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