It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Success! We fucked roommates!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
