I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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