Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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