so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
