There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
