Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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