Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
