Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look

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(661): View more from California

i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean

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(903): View more from Texas

Beer Popsicles are better in theory

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(317): View more from Indiana

I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?

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(716): View more from New York

Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.

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(904): View more from Florida

It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.

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(347): View more from New York

Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.

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