Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
