coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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