the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
