I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
