We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.