If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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