What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dating After Heartbreak
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
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I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina