two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
