I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The pigeons can smell the fear
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.