After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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