haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
