wat bout pragnant strippers??
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.