umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.