as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
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We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here