So drunk its hurt
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
