I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
