It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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