Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Text me some of your sweat
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
