we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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