I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
