You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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