my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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