She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
