I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
