You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
