I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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