Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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