I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
