Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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