Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
