I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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