he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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