i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
