I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
