and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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