I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
