Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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