i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
