She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
