When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
