Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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