i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm always down for nudity.
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