Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
